I have a theory. Not yet proven in our household but one I would like to put out there for debate. In involves kids dressing themselves.
My theory is this...
I would rather let my kids dress him/herself with clothes they feel comfortable in and can "own" than put them in something I think they should wear that they voice an opinion on being uncomfortable in. Here's why.
If my kid puts on his furry winter socks in stripes of green, red and beige with blue shorts and a t-shirt (this really happened) in 90 degree weather, because he insists the socks are cool, and heads off to school, why should I stop him? We suggested he wear white socks or sandals and backed off when he insisted he wanted to wear these socks. Should we have stopped him?
Hubster would prefer our 7 year old go to school with pressed pants/shorts with a shirt (tucked in), and a belt. Handsome prefers his shirt untucked...like every other kid in his class. Should we make him wear his shirt tucked in?
My take is this...
I would rather have my kids wear something they are comfortable wearing. If, by chance, they get ridiculed by classmates, which could happen in either of these situations, I would rather have my kids feel that they are in control of the situation. Handsome could make a mental note not to wear the furry socks with shorts in summer time if it had been a problem. It wasn't. He wore them proudly and showed them off and was happy with the giggles he got from his classmates.
On the other side, you have a child who not only gets picked on for their clothing but ends up with a feeling of helplessness, knowing that it's their parents who chose how they dress and therefore they have no control over it.
What's your policy?
At what age do you let your kids pick out their own clothes? Where do you draw the line?
I don't think they should be in control. They don't learn if you don't teach them, and it's your job to teach them. You knew I was gonna say that. When you pick out clothes you teach them what's appropriate, you teach them what goes with what color wise. You also teach them what they wear at home is more casual then what they should wear out in public. You show them you respect them by not letting them rule and put themselves in a potentially bad situation. You pick out 2 outfits that are appropriate, you let them pick between the two. You accomplish both things here. You send them out of the house looking appropriate and ready for the day, and they've made a selection. You do it gradually; but you don't set them up to be made fun of at an early age. Kids are mean and they will make fun of him if he's wearing 2 colors, funny socks etc.
ReplyDeleteWhen they start showing they can pick things out that are appropriate then you slowly back away. Doesn't your school have a dresscode?
If he's in control and doesn't want to wear a coat when it's cold out, you would need to assert parental authority to keep him healthy. But, that will be even harder if you let him do his own thing.
I don't remember how old my daughter was when she was allowed to choose; but probably 3rd grade? Generally we selected clothes the night before which made the morning go easier. After I let her select, I would still have her get it out the night before, which still gave me the final word if it wasn't appropriate.
Technically, you draw the line until they buy their own clothes. Forgot to add that. The line changes though.
ReplyDeleteSandy
Sandy~
ReplyDeleteIt's funny. Age wise, you and I aren't that far apart. You could easily be my older, and much wiser, sister. You have a lot of the traditional values that my husband and his parants have. As an older mom I try to see things from my kids point of view, or what it will be. Maybe I'm afraid of being the "old" mom. Things aren't the same as when we were kids. I want to instill the values that are important to me and let them make the decisions on the rest. I wasn't the most fashionable kid in school but I loved what I wore and so I could pull it off. It's more about confidence with me. That is REALLY important. When parents make too many choices for their kids I feel this gets lost.
Sandy~
ReplyDeleteIt's funny. Age wise, you and I aren't that far apart. You could easily be my older, and much wiser, sister. You have a lot of the traditional values that my husband and his parants have. As an older mom I try to see things from my kids point of view, or what it will be. Maybe I'm afraid of being the "old" mom. Things aren't the same as when we were kids. I want to instill the values that are important to me and let them make the decisions on the rest. I wasn't the most fashionable kid in school but I loved what I wore and so I could pull it off. It's more about confidence with me. That is REALLY important. When parents make too many choices for their kids I feel this gets lost.
I don't think they should be in control. They don't learn if you don't teach them, and it's your job to teach them. You knew I was gonna say that. When you pick out clothes you teach them what's appropriate, you teach them what goes with what color wise. You also teach them what they wear at home is more casual then what they should wear out in public. You show them you respect them by not letting them rule and put themselves in a potentially bad situation. You pick out 2 outfits that are appropriate, you let them pick between the two. You accomplish both things here. You send them out of the house looking appropriate and ready for the day, and they've made a selection. You do it gradually; but you don't set them up to be made fun of at an early age. Kids are mean and they will make fun of him if he's wearing 2 colors, funny socks etc.
ReplyDeleteWhen they start showing they can pick things out that are appropriate then you slowly back away. Doesn't your school have a dresscode?
If he's in control and doesn't want to wear a coat when it's cold out, you would need to assert parental authority to keep him healthy. But, that will be even harder if you let him do his own thing.
I don't remember how old my daughter was when she was allowed to choose; but probably 3rd grade? Generally we selected clothes the night before which made the morning go easier. After I let her select, I would still have her get it out the night before, which still gave me the final word if it wasn't appropriate.