How I Lost 12 Pounds in 3 Weeks and 2 Days

I started this weight loss journey one week before Christmas.  It was a journey unplanned.

Jealous? 

No need to be.

Here's how I lost 12 pounds in 3 weeks and 2 days...


Start on a Sunday by waking with a fever, chills, dizziness and the ability to even get out of bed.  Stay there all day other then to pee.  Drink whatever beverages you can.  My beverage of choice was ginger ale.  Take a dose of NyQuil at 2pm, knowing you can't get out of bed anyway.  Take your temperature 3 hours later and make sure it's 103.5 (higher would probably work too).  Stay in bed until the next morning.

Wake up on Monday, still dizzy but a little less feverish. Make sure both kids feel sick so they can stay home with you. Try not to vomit while making their meals.  Occupy them until their dad gets home and go to bed.

Tuesday, send one kid to school since the other is now on Xmas break.  Make sure to make breakfast for both, Thank your older kid for not making you make his lunch (and thank the school for corn dog nuggets) and hit the couch.  Figure out something to make for dinner, serve it and wait it out until Daddy gets home...again, go to bed.  Do not eat but make sure to get plenty of fluids. 

Feel well enough on Wednesday to get oldest kid to doc since he's feeling bad again.  Make sure to drop off prescription for antibiotics (sinus infection) and head home.  Snuggle with him, eat some crackers and thank MIL for taking the little one off our hands for the day. 

Thursday you are feeling about 80% but your stomach has shrunk considerable so eat whatever, it won't be much. 

Spend Friday (which happened to be Xmas eve on my journey) getting last minute stuff done.  Head to the In-laws for dinner.  Eat whatever and then watch you MIL in awe because it's the first time in 16 years you haven't gone back for seconds (usually it's thirds).  Go home and go to bed. 

Wake Xmas morning.  Do the Xmas stuff, eat left overs from Grandma's house (since you didn't have them the night before) relax the rest of the day. 

Spend the next 3 days eating ham biscuits (minis) while feeding the kids whatever they are in the mood for. 

Work on Tuesday (very part time job) and feel like crap upon getting home. 

Wednesday~Keep your promise to your kids and take them to Charlotte (5.5 hour drive) to visit their Uncle and cousin. 

Stay busy for 4 days so you don't have time to nibble like you would at home.  Make a big pot of spaghetti on New Years Eve and then have your first glass (or several) of wine in two weeks.  Forget to eat spaghetti and eat half a loaf of take-and-bake bread instead (that shit is like crack, especially with butter). 

Wake up feeling like crap, again, on Saturday and delay the drive home one more day. 

Drive 5.5 hours home on Sunday and get the kids random fast food, skipping anything for yourself.  Find out Hubster has the nasty flu bug that has you projecting fluids from all possible orifices simultaneously.  He staying at his parents (where he's been since you left) and you suggest he stay...forever.  Get kids dinner.  Get suitcase unpacked and do several loads of laundry.  Make sure FIL brings home your beloved puppy who has had to spend the last 5 days in a shed instead of the comfort of her own home and now has diarrhea and isn't quite potty trained.  Relish in the fact that tomorrow the kids go back to school.

Monday send the kids to school.  Normal day.  Hubster still sick and decides to come home to stay in bed here.  Dog still pooping everywhere.  Chase her around with a bucket and scrub brush, cleaning it all up.  this will prevent eating for the entire day.

Make sure one kid stays home sick on Tuesday but still manage to meet a friend for a free spicy chicken biscuit at Chick-Fil-a.  Have Pizza hut Pasta for dinner.  Stomach is still pretty small so it's okay.

Have same child stay home sick Wednesday...with a fever, stuffy nose and nasty cough.  Take care of her and eat some crackers with egg salad for lunch and dinner.  Feed kids as normal (leftover Pizza Hut pasta).

Stay up late on Wednesday catching up on all your DVR'd shows until you get summoned upstairs (around midnight) by this.

Keep both kids home on Thursday and cater to both.  One won't eat, afraid to throw up and the other just wants spaghetti-Os with meat balls.  Make it and eat more egg salad and crackers for yourself.  Drink lots of water and be happy your nose is still stuffed up.

Make youngest go to school on Friday and tend to oldest who feels better but can't go due to the fever law. Fix pork chops for dinner with rice and green beans.  Eat.  Stomach is still shrinking.  Stay up late and decided Midnight is a great time to get back on the Wii Fit bandwagon.  "Stop procrastinating" you tell yourself since you didn't workout all week due to the kids being home ill.

Have a lazy Saturday hoping to get everyone back to 100%.  Watch movies, play video games, chat with friends on FB and make brownies.  Head to bed at 7:30 with baby girl.  Attend the Tribal Blogs Slumber Party while she watches Rapunzel for the millionth time.  Feel a little achy but blame it on the 10 minutes of hula hooping and 20 minutes of cycling you did the night before.  Leave Slumber party early because daughter is itching and seems to be getting some weird rash.

Wake up Sunday with the projecting-fluids-from-all-possible-orifices-simultaneously-virus.  Stay in bed with frequent trips to rest room.  Go back on fluid only diet until Tuesday.

Feel like crap on Monday and still get all bedding cleaned so as not to continue to pass this shit around.  Thank MIL for taking the little one and spend lots of time on the couch between loads of wash.  Also have a MIL who will send home dinner to feed the family, even if it is Salmon patties that make you leave the vicinity so as not to vomit. (I actually LOVE salmon patties but not on this particular day).

Wake Tuesday.  Ready for anything.  Check self on scale and secretly wonder if you could do it for another 3 weeks if it guaranteed another 12 pound loss.