The Mom I didn't Want to be

I don't think I learned any parenting skills from my mom.  She was better than me in some aspects, but the kid stuff I remember, isn't favorable.
I remember having night time fears as a kid.  I could see/hear windows being opened, someone breaking in, I would see shadows in the hallway, and keep myself up... waiting.
I wasn't allowed to wake my parents.  I don't remember any individual instance where I was told not to wake them, I just remember taking my pillow and blanket into their room and cuddling up on the floor next to the bed to feel safe.  Never attempting to wake my Mom or StepDad.
This had major impact.
Over the years, I taught myself that, if they were coming, they would come.  They hadn't so far, so I should just go back to sleep and hope for the best.
Who knows where the fear came from.  We were never burglarized, no one ever broke into our neighbors house.  It was just my biggest fear.
I promised myself, no kid of mine, would ever feel that terrified and alone.

It's tiring!

My kids feared Big Foot for  the longest time.

Really?

When I separated from their dad, we moved into a 2 bedroom townhouse.  The kids were 4 and 7 and were totally on board with sharing a room (even though they were use to their own) if they could have bunk beds,  We got the bunk bed and all was good.

Then they got older.

They wanted separate rooms.  I couldn't deny.  I gave up a room for me, and gave them the 2 bedrooms.  I can sleep anywhere.

I take Puddin Pop to bed at 930.  We read and lights out at 10 (she's 9)  I lay with her while Handsome does his 30 minutes of reading (10-1030) and then go to lay with him.  We snuggle and chat for 5-10 minutes until he falls asleep, and the I go to sleep on the couch... until...

They wake up.

It was better for a while.

For almost 2 years I got to sleep through the night.

Then we got robbed, last year while we were camping overnight.

Every night, they both wake, at least once, and need me to lay with them to go back to sleep.

I can't say no.

I can't diminish their fears.

I. Just. Can't

But...

I am so tired.  Playing pinball between bedrooms is exhausting.  I sleep 6-7 hours a night in 2 hour increments.

I need sleep.

Any ideas?

End of Summer

We had the chance to go sailing with a friend on the last day of summer and it was the first time sailing for the kids.  They have been on boats before, but not a day filled with sailing and swimming.  They both enjoyed the experience.  Puddin' Pop experienced some sea sickness but that girl is a trooper.  Never complained, and bounced back as quick as possible.
Handsome would now like to live on a boat.
What is your favorite water activity?

Easy Chicken Lettuce Wraps

O.M.G.
Sometimes you have a craving for something and you have to have it NOW.
Sometimes you get lucky enough to have 80% of the ingredients on hand.  Enough to make it "close enough."
This is a recipe about one of those times.

I was craving some Chicken lettuce wraps, or maybe just trying to figure out what to do with the head of lettuce in my fridge that didn't involve a salad.  I didn't have the veggies (carrots or water chestnuts) that normally go in this recipe, Hell, I didn't even have a recipe.  But I threw some shit together and the result was amazing enough to share.  That's a Win!  It's also a win because I think, after 30 years, my dad is now convinced I can do something other than Boil-in-a-Bag meals.  It's a joke we share, and one I am always striving to prove him wrong on.

Anyway.

What you'll need:
Chicken.  I used tenderloins, but you could use breasts as well.  Whatever is on hand
Teriyaki sauce.  Enough to marinade chicken.
Lettuce.  Peel off as many leaves as you need
Peanut butter 1/2C.  I used creamy, but crunchy works too
Garlic.  Fresh or dried or minced.  I used dried roasted garlic.  It's my favorite
Crushed red pepper.  Enough to season chicken and for Peanut sauce.  As much as you can handle, in      my opinion.
Soy sauce.  1 tbsp for peanut sauce
Sugar.  1 tsp
Water

I marinated the chicken for 2 hours in Teryaki, Garlic and Red Pepper.
After two hours I put them on a cooling rack on a baking sheet.
I'm a little disappointed that this is the first time I thought to do this.  The baking rack as a kind of grill in the oven.  I'm surprised I've never been told of this technique, or seen it on Pinterest.  I am now claiming that it is my own unique idea and sharing... and taking Full Credit for inventing it.  You are Welcome.
I poured the extra marinade over the top and baked 10 tenderloins at 350 for 20 minutes.
While that was going on, I put the peanut butter and soy sauce in a small sauce pan on LOW.  It's very important not to burn these as it ruins the flavor.  Trust Me.
As it slowly melts, add a tsp of garlic, the sugar and more crushed red pepper (as much as you can handle) and mix it well together.  The soy sauce and Peanut butter seem to separate, but it will be okay.  Add water to desired thickness.  I used about 3/4 cup.  Continue stirring until it's creamy and remove from heat.
Pour a glass of wine and wait for chicken to finish
After 20 minutes, take chicken from oven and let cool for 10-15 minutes or until it's time to pour another glass of wine.

Cut chicken into small pieces, add a little of the peanut sauce and mix well.

Serve with a side of peanut sauce and fresh lettuce leaves and ENJOY

I sure did.

I could have killed someone. Thankfully, I didn't

While coming back from Handsome's school the other day, we were driving down a 5 lane road, that, in most instances, is steady traffic.  The speed limit is 45, and average speed is 50.  People swerve in and out of the 5 lanes to get the best position, or to get in the right lane to make turns or u-turns,  I drive this road every day to work.  In the 3 miles it takes to get there, I always witness people texting, driving way over the speed limit, following too close, and idiots trying to cross the road in the middle, rather than walk to the cross walk,  It's 5 lanes in each direction.  I've seen pedestrians hit for making this stupid choice.  I am always watching out for anything.  Especially when I have precious cargo,
So, we are heading home.  We are in the second lane from the right, and I notice a man on a scooter coming out of a shopping center on the right.  I start to slow, not knowing which lane he is going to turn into.  My Dad  always taught me to be an defensive driver and be mindful of all possible situations.  Thanks, Dad.  He makes it to the first lane and gets his duffle bag caught under his wheels.  He tries to drive over it and at this point I am almost at a stop.  The scooter takes off over the bag, dragging the man with it.  They spin out and stop on the ground less than 5 feet from the front of my car, which is now completely stopped.  I am lucky no one was directly behind me to ram into me.  So is the guy on the scooter.  As we sit there watching, the kids and I, the man picks up the bike and, in frustration, slams his helmet to the ground, which then travels to the next lane,  It sits there for about 30 seconds before another car comes, runs it over, and drags it a hundred yards down the street.  The man is just standing in front of us, cussing out the car and throwing this tantrum. I could have gone around him, but I didn't.
I took the opportunity to tell my kids how differently this could have turned out.  I never text while driving and rarely even talk on my phone while in the car,  I could have been preoccupied if the kids had been bickering, or acting up in the way kids do.  So many things could have gone wrong.  I could not have been paying attention when he first came out, I could have assumed that I had the right to my lane and never slowed to begin with.
 I stayed where I was.  I stayed because I was afraid for this man if I moved.  Afraid another distracted driver would not be aware of him in the middle of the road.  He never even acknowledged we were there, 5 feet away from him, for more than 5 minutes.

Please be aware of other drivers.  Put your phone down.  It's really not that important.  Please be a defensive driver and focus all your attention on what's going on around you.  Please get there safe!

Happy Birthday, Handsome

12 years ago today, I was in our new house.  We had closed and moved in July 4th.  I had taken vacation on the 25th.  While first borns are never born on time, I wasn't risking driving through Summer time Tunnel traffic from  Virginia Beach to Hampton.  The pool guy came to get the pool levels ready to open and I had a pot roast in the oven.

By 9pm  we were on our way to the hospital.  I was strep B positive and once I "sprang a leak" I knew we had to go.  Baby had to be born within 24 hours of my water breaking,  He wasn't even close to ready.

At 4:30 am they stripped the membranes.  At 6am I got pitocin.  by 7am I was having full blown contractions, 2 minutes apart, lasting 45 secs... I wasn't dilated at all.  After 4 hours, I changed my birth plan and asked (begged) for an epidural.  Got that at about 1:30.

At 4:30 pm, July 29th, 2003, I became a Mom.

Most. Amazing. Thing. Ever.

To Handsome~
You are the love of my life,  The one who showed me what unconditional love is really all about.  I am amazed every day with the person you are.  Funny, Smart beyond belief, witty and an inspiration to try harder and be better.

Happy 12th!

With all my heart,

Mome

Sushi Is My Heaven

I might be a nut case.

 I'm good with that.

When I am completely stressed out, or something awful happens, I set aside some time to be alone, crank up some 80's love songs and  Cry It Out.  It always empowers me to see the truth in the situation, my part in it, and how to move forward with my No Worries Charm.

I went out earlier to treat myself to some sushi.  I went to a place that I haven't been to in years.  Financially it hasn't been an option like it was before kids and divorce.  I felt I needed a pick-me-up, and spending money on good food is my therapy.  On the drive, a song came on the radio that made me think of a younger version of myself.  A strong, confident, world-ahead-of-me Gal, who took no shit and kept her chin up.  I had everything and was only going to get better,  I am not where I imagined myself to be and that kind of stung.  I felt that I was going to need one of those "cry it out" sessions, but then something happened...

While ordering my sushi, I noticed that they now deliver.  This made me so elated,  They still may not be in my weekly budget but, I can always use them as a back up to a cry session in a pinch.

I no longer feel like crying.

Does that seem normal?

Who wants to be normal?

My Morning Deception

I try to always be honest with the kids, even the hard stuff.  I may be guilty of over-sharing in times of stress, but I try to explain why things are the way they are.

Today, however, I set out to deceive.

I put extra energy into it.

My kids know that my income is all we have coming in.  If Mom doesn't work, someone goes without something.

They also know that they are the 2 most important people in my life... and sometimes, they play on that.

They are both good students and, for the most part, enjoy going to school.  They also seek out opportunities to get alone time with Mom.

Both have missed 2 days of school this year that, in all honesty, could have been avoided.  The whole 24 hours without a fever thing came into play, and they also fell on days I was off from work.

See where I'm going with this?

Today started as any other.  Handsome gets up at 6:30, coughing and sneezing.  Eats a sandwich for breakfast and watches some videos after getting dressed.

I wake Puddin Pop at 7:15.  She is "tired and cold" and wants me to check to see if she has a fever.

That's where my deceptive idea came to mind.

Rather than having the conversation, for the millionth time, of the importance of going to school, the extra homework NOT going creates, and how it's THEIR job, I chose to deceive.

I got dressed for work.  I wear khakis and a business logo shirt to work so it's obvious where I'm headed.

They would never ask to stay home, when I have to work, unless they absolutely HAD to.

I finished getting them fed, dressed and out the door...

 and then changed back into my lounge clothes.

I'm off today.

What deceptions have you been guilty of?

Hob Nob Wicked Red is Wicked Good

I saw this over Christmas Break and just knew that I could not pass it up.  

I look for wine everywhere I go.  This treasure happened to scream to me at one of my local 7-11's while getting the kids some hot chocolate.  Don't judge, Treasures can be found almost anywhere.  

I had to try it.  

One of the first collaborated wine reviews I did was on a Hob Nob Shiraz.  I haven't really noticed anything on the shelves from them in quite some time, PLUS. this label is kinda awesome.

The wine did not disappoint.

Deep Violet Red in color and seemingly thick in the glass.

A nose of blackberries, cherry, pepper and tobacco.

Palate reveals a medium bodied, well-balanced combination of blackberries, cherries and dark roast coffee and pepper.

Not Disappointed

Pic and info from the Hob Nob website...

If you come across this, buy it.  
Since it's after Halloween, don't be surprised if the label is different from the one I bought.
I can't honestly say that I would have bought the traditional bottle on that particular occasion.
This one totally caught my eye

Cheers!