Mome reads Mommy, My daughter's way to spell it when she was younger... It stuck. My son calls me Mome... just like it looks. I now sign all my notes to them "Love, Mome". It's our inside secret and makes them smile. I always want them to smile.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

The Mom I didn't Want to be

I don't think I learned any parenting skills from my mom.  She was better than me in some aspects, but the kid stuff I remember, isn't favorable.
I remember having night time fears as a kid.  I could see/hear windows being opened, someone breaking in, I would see shadows in the hallway, and keep myself up... waiting.
I wasn't allowed to wake my parents.  I don't remember any individual instance where I was told not to wake them, I just remember taking my pillow and blanket into their room and cuddling up on the floor next to the bed to feel safe.  Never attempting to wake my Mom or StepDad.
This had major impact.
Over the years, I taught myself that, if they were coming, they would come.  They hadn't so far, so I should just go back to sleep and hope for the best.
Who knows where the fear came from.  We were never burglarized, no one ever broke into our neighbors house.  It was just my biggest fear.
I promised myself, no kid of mine, would ever feel that terrified and alone.

It's tiring!

My kids feared Big Foot for  the longest time.


When I separated from their dad, we moved into a 2 bedroom townhouse.  The kids were 4 and 7 and were totally on board with sharing a room (even though they were use to their own) if they could have bunk beds,  We got the bunk bed and all was good.

Then they got older.

They wanted separate rooms.  I couldn't deny.  I gave up a room for me, and gave them the 2 bedrooms.  I can sleep anywhere.

I take Puddin Pop to bed at 930.  We read and lights out at 10 (she's 9)  I lay with her while Handsome does his 30 minutes of reading (10-1030) and then go to lay with him.  We snuggle and chat for 5-10 minutes until he falls asleep, and the I go to sleep on the couch... until...

They wake up.

It was better for a while.

For almost 2 years I got to sleep through the night.

Then we got robbed, last year while we were camping overnight.

Every night, they both wake, at least once, and need me to lay with them to go back to sleep.

I can't say no.

I can't diminish their fears.

I. Just. Can't


I am so tired.  Playing pinball between bedrooms is exhausting.  I sleep 6-7 hours a night in 2 hour increments.

I need sleep.

Any ideas?

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